Chapter 25 ~ Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Disclaimer: All rights reserved. All copyrights to original owners. This is 95% fluffy fiction. I own Bex, the ideas of Doc & Grace and the plot line. The rest isn't mine.

Thank you for your patience. I have not been me, a lot of family things happening and I haven't felt like writing. I realize the only way to get me back is to do what I love. This story is currently written to chapter 28. I hope to post more often. Thanks to my lovely editor. You are beyond wonderful. Thanks to the girls for letting me put them in this story. I love all three of you! Please excuse the formatting. Blogger doesn't play well with this fic. Let's check back in with our Tog and her Pop Star...

Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Chapter 25

Saturday, April 11, 2015

“Are you packing?”

“Well, some would say I am. You’ve seen it...am I packing?”

“You’re such a boy!”

“I hope so or I’d wonder what this thing is in my pants, love.”

It’s 6:45 in the morning and he’s making dick jokes. 

“Do you have everything?” I ask looking around the room.

“Everything I’ll ever need, Tog,” he says sweetly and kissed my forehead. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Nah,” I shake my head.  There’s no point really. I’ve been up all night. “Think I’ll go for a run after you get smuggled out of here.”

“Please be careful. They could still be lurking around out there.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll go out the back. They’ll never even see me,” I yawn with a stretch. “When is your ride coming?”

“Got just enough time to have a cup of coffee with you,” he smiles and pulls me from the bed.

When we enter the kitchen, Gray is on her iPad. She’s muttering to herself as she scrolls down the screen.

“Good Morning, Grace,” Harry says depositing me onto a chair at the table.

“Mister Styles,” she says looking up, “I didn’t sign up for looking like a slag when I welcomed you into my home.” She turns the device toward him as he pours two cups of coffee.

I peered over her shoulder to get a look at the picture. A pap got her coming in to the house after work.  

“You don’t look like a slag. You look lovely,” he shakes his head. “I apologize. I had no idea they’d figure out I was here.  Next time I’ll stay at the Bowery in New York.”

“What?!?! The Bowery? No. We don’t care about that... I’m talking about the ‘Spring/Summer fifteen Yves Saint Laurent you said I looked better in. I look like a small cow.”

He lets out one of his crazy little laughs, his head thrown back. 

“I should have known better than to listen to you,” she growls with her hands on her hips.

“Trust me, Love. You looked lovely. It’s the camera lens. Tell her Tog,” he rubs her arm. 

“Um...the camera adds ten...twenty pounds??” I answer with wide eyes.

“I dislike you both,” Gray huffs.

The knock on the door to the garage breaks my heart, “Already?”

Dale appears in the doorway smiling at Gray, “Good Morning.”

“Grace, may I introduce Dale,” Harry smiles.

“Thank God!  He lied to me. You can have him,” Gray says trying not to laugh. 

“Are you fibbing again, H?  We talked about this,” the bald man smiles. “Morning, Bex.”

“Morning,” I mumble into Harry’s chest. “You can’t have him yet.”

“Come now, Tog,” Harry says lifting my face toward his. “It’s not goodbye. It’s see you later, remembah?  I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

I take a deep breath and try to feel as confident as he does. It’s only 14 days.  

I can do this.

“Promise you’ll call when you land?” 

“The minute I put my feet on the ground,” he smiles before placing a kiss to my forehead.

“You better,” I sniffle. 

Cupping my face, he pecks my lips, “So pushy.” 

Before I can respond with a smart ass comment, he kisses me deeply. My lips miss his the moment he pulls away.

“Come on, H.  We gotta get you out of here before one of those paps wakes up from their hangover and remembers the address,” Dale says as he scoops up Harry’s bag.

“Please be safe. Remember to call,” I whisper against his lips. “Thanks for being my Knight in skinny jeans.”

“Whenever you need me, I’m just a phone call away, Tog.”

“B...you gotta let him go,” Gray says pulling me from his arms. I nod pulling my arms around myself. 

“Grace, it was lovely to meet you. Thank you for letting me stay in your home. I look forward to seeing you again,” Harry says hugging her tightly. “Call me if you need me,” he says quietly when he pulls away.

“Lovely to have you, Harry.”

“I’ll take good care of him, Bex. No worries,” Dale says from the door. 

“I know how to find you,” I threaten halfheartedly. 

“Mōsugu anata ni aimashō, ai,” Harry says softly before kissing me again.  I make the mistake of opening my eyes. 

 My green meet his, “See you soon, H.”  I turn away quickly into Gray’s arms.

“I’ve got her. Go catch your flight,” my friend says holding me tightly. 

“Thank you,” Harry says before I hear the door close. 

I burst out in tears and run back to my bedroom.  

~</3~

True to his word, Harry calls when he lands.  He’s the only call I take all day. If moping in your bed was a full time job, I would have been paid time and a half. Or at least been given a managerial position. 

I manage to get myself out of bed the next morning and go for a run. Returning, I  function through the rest of the day numb. Laundry is washed and folded, dishes washed, the kitchen scoured and then

destroyed as I prepared dinner.

“Bloody Hell...it’s like a hurricane blew through,” Gray gripes as she takes off her shoes. “You’re not cooking are you?”

“Why yes,” I sneer, “I am cooking. Wouldn’t hurt to be a little thankful that you don’t have to tonight.”

“Wow...”

“What?” I look over at her exasperated.

“You’re in a lot deeper than even I thought,” my friend says quietly. 

Turning back to the marinara on the stove, I shake my head, “No idea what you’re talking about.”

“You love him...”

I chuckle, “You’re crazy.”

“You can delude yourself if you’d like, but...you are in love with him. You’re cranky and missing him.” She scoots past me for a glass. “It’s okay to love him, Rebekah. He’s adorable.”

“I...I’m not in love with him,” I stutter. 

Why am I stuttering? 

Gray pours a glass of juice and screws the top back on, “Have you spoken to Vik yet?”

 “I have an appointment tomorrow.  What does that have to do with Harry?”

“Maybe she’ll knock some sense into ya,” she pats my shoulder gently, “Thank you for destroying the kitchen. Call me down when it’s ready.”

I can’t stop thinking about what she said as I finish dinner. Yes, I was missing him. That doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. He makes me smile and laugh. That doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.

I forget what Mat did to me when I’m with him, but then again I forget about it  when I’m working too.

   . 

Was it the butterflies that flutter in my stomach when he walked into a room? Was it the sadness when he left?  Was it the serenity I felt when he sang those sweet love songs? Was it the tension

in my body when I watched him run around on stage?  Was it the way I felt like I was home when he spoke? Was it the way he saw ME despite all my scars and imperfections? Was it the reciprocated

respect for each other? Never pushing me to go past my boundaries? Was it the kindness in his yes when he looked at me?

Was it the way he took care of me even when he barely knew me? Was it the way I wanted to be near him every single second?

Was it the way I felt safer in his arms than anywhere else? Was it the way he made me laugh?  Was it the way he kissed me; like I’d never been kissed before?

SHIT.

“Rebekah? Ye alright?” 

“Um...yeah..yeah...I’m good.” I try to shake the realization out of my head,  dropping the spoon into the pot on the stove and turning off the heat.  

“Are you sure? You were standing there with a full spoon of marinara staring into the great beyond like,” Doc asks as I walk past her.

“Dinner’s ready. I’m gonna go get Gray,” I sweep by her for the stairs.

Knocking on the door jam of Gray’s room, “I’ve successfully reproduced a category five hurricane in the kitchen. Care to do a full news report on it?” 

My beautiful British friend with the mismatched eyes smiles at my joke as she stands. She stops in front of me and wipes the side of my chin, “You have sauce.  You look like you’ve seen a ghost too. Alright?”

“Grace Anne,” I swallow, “I think I’m in love with a pop-star.”

With a smile, she wraps me in her arms.  “Welcome to reality, love bug. Let’s go see this hurricane of yours.”

~</3~

I smile and laugh through dinner at all the appropriate places.  To be honest, I don’t remember what Doc or Gray even said. My mind was trying to wrap around the epiphany I’d had. 

How was I going to talk to him knowing I was in love with him?  You can’t just blurt that out on face time. 

“Hey! How are you...ILoveYou. How did your  writing session go?”

“Hi! I missed your face...by the way, I love you.”

‘Hey you! Have you gotten a chance to talk to Niall about his slip and fall? I love you...I hope you guys aren’t giving him too much of a hard time?”

Fuck me. 

“Bex?  Are you just gonna let your phone ring in your back pocket?” Em says as she pokes me in the arm.

Pulling out the phone, I see it’s him. I can’t talk to him. Nope.  I swipe ignore and put the phone back in my pocket. It rings again and again.

“Pretty sure when someone rings that many times they NEED to talk to you, Love,” Gray side eyes me. 

“Hello?” I say softly getting up from the table.

“Tog? Are you alright?  I’ve rang a million times,” his voice soft like melted chocolate.

“Um...yeah. I was just...having dinner. I cooked.” Awkward isn’t a strong enough word for how it came out. 

“Wow, you cooked,” he laughs, “Face time, love?”

“I’m not really feeling all that well, H. I’m gonna go lay down. Can I call you later?” I throw in a fake cough for good measure.

“Oh, yeah...sure. I’ll be around. I hope you feel better, Love.” The disappointment in his voice makes me feel terrible. 

“Okay. Later then,” I say before quickly hanging up. 

~</3~

April 15, 2018 

Karma is a bitch.

I never did call Harry back. I ended up in bed with a 103 fever and a sore throat. In Doc’s expert psychological opinion, it wasn’t the mental breakdown I swore it was. I had a cold.  I felt like shit.

Not just physically sick, but terrible for lying to Harry. He didn’t deserve it. I should have just owned up to my feelings or at least told him I was trying to work some things out.

That I needed to process it before talking to him about it. 

Doc graciously texted him a “doctor’s note” prescribing plenty of rest along with my apologies for not calling back. He’d replied hoping I would feel better and promptly had chicken soup, cold medicine and

a teddy bear dressed in a miniature Hawaiian shirt delivered to the house. 

I’d had plenty of time to ponder my revelation. At the peak of my fever, I really thought I’d hallucinated the last few weeks. In my mind, I had never met him. I was still with Mateo, which could explain how absolutely

miserable I felt. Gray kindly reminded me when the fever broke this morning that I had, in fact, met and fallen in love with Harry Styles.  She recounted my fever-induced delirious statements with a chuckle.

“Must have been a doozy of a fever. You said some pretty funny stuff and I quote...’I dreamt of that guy from One Direction...ya know the sexy one with the long hair...I’m pretty sure he came out of the womb wearing

those tight as hell skinny jeans.  We were in love. Have you seen those lips? I had some wild dreams about them”.”

“What?” 

“Honest...you even said his dick was pretty in your dreams,” she laughed at me.

“Oh my god...” Embarrassed, I held my head in my hands. 

“I’m guessing you’ve seen said male appendage to know it’s pretty,” she says while scrolling through something on her phone. “Ah...yes.  There was also...’His wang is massive!’ and then you went into some

weird discussion about someone trying to face swap with her own nipple on your phone. Don’t know what that was about.”

“Why didn’t you just put me down?”

“What? Like euthanasia?  Sweet Bee...never. You’re too entertaining,” Gray smiles and pats my head. 

“Not a word to him about this. Do you understand?” I scowl at her.

“I will hold it til the grave. After that?  All bets are off,” Gray cackles as she leaves the room. She steps back in the doorway, “Call him.”

I give her a military salute and sink further into the covers, “I’m such an idiot.”

~</3~

After 3 days in bed with a fever, I was glad Harry couldn’t see me. Even I couldn’t stand the smell of my own body.  I showered, managed to get some fruit and cereal into my belly and scrolled through my emails.

Harry had sent the details on my flight to Los Angeles. Cal had emailed Saturday to check in. He’d also let me know that it had been the fifth anniversary of Harry’s audition for X Factor with a suggestion that I send

him a photo he had let me take of Harry the first time we met. An opportunity missed. A text popped up from Grace. It was a picture of Harry with a fan. I texted her back asking where she’d gotten the picture. Apparently, he’d gone golfing Sunday with Jeff. It was followed by a picture of him with

some more fans in Palm Springs on Monday night.  

I missed his face. I couldn’t lie to myself. It hurt being away from him. More than I cared to admit to myself.  Checking the weather, I threw on some running clothes, a baseball cap and some sunglasses.

I needed to run. I needed to think. I avoided my One Direction playlist; settling for some ‘Thunder’. The steady beat of the drums threw me into a good rhythm. 

I never intended to fall in love with him.  

Yes, I missed him. I wanted to feel those butterflies in my stomach when he entered a room. His singing and spoken voice soothed everything. There was nowhere else I wanted to

be than in his arms. I wanted to laugh at his stupid jokes. I wanted to hear him tell me he didn’t like my swearing. I wanted to be with him in L.A right now not sunny,

but cool Boston. I dialed Doc hoping she had a moment to talk. 

“Hello.” I could hear the smile in her voice. 

“Hey. You got a second?” I puffed out quickly as I crossed streets.

“Your fever just broke this morning.  Do you think you should be out running?” 

“I needed to think.”

“What’s wrong?” I could hear her shuffling papers around. 

“How do you know when you’re in love?” I asked as I jogged in place waiting for a car to pass.

“I guess everyone’s experience is different. Why?”

“I miss him...”

“Okay.”

“I would rather fly out right this second then be here. I miss his voice and the way it calms me. I...I don’t know,” I stopped running, emotions starting to creep up on me. I hung up on Doc so

she couldn’t hear the panic in my breathing.

Yeah, I was in Love and falling deeper every day. 

I had to hold out for just a little over a week and I’d see him again. If I was going to tell him I loved him, it would be in person. Not on face time or through a text message. I entered the house through the

backyard, discarding the cap and sunglasses.  After grabbing a bottle of water, I headed upstairs to take a shower. As I bent down to pick up my running shoes, a lone sock came into view. The small half sock

that Harry had stripped off my foot as he carried me upstairs. I dejectedly dropped on to the stair staring at the piece of clothing

“Hey,” his voice filled the room.

“Hey...”

“Are you feeling better?” 

“Yeah, fever broke this morning,” I muttered softly as I continued to stare at the sock. Fabric rustled on the other end of the line followed by a deep groan. “Are you alright?”

He cleared his throat, “Yeah. Just a bit of a hangover.”

“Oh? Did you have friends over?” I asked dropping the sock at my feet.

“I saw Fleetwood Mac last night with Gemma and a few friends.”

“Oh, that sounds fun,” I swallowed hard. He wasn’t as miserable as I was. He was having fun. “How’s writing going?”  

“Rebekah? What’s going on? You’re making small talk,” he sighed.

“I found one of my socks on the stairs, next thing I knew you were on the other end of the phone,” I shrugged like he could see me.

“You were distant when I called you Sunday...”

“Just thinking...”

“About?” He tried.

“Us.”

“You’re still coming next week right?”

“Definitely.” I smiled for the first time all day.

He let out a relieved breath, “Okay. That’s good to hear. So, you’re thinking about us?”

“More me than anything,” I answered truthfully. It was my feelings. I couldn’t say it was “our” feelings. I had no idea how he felt. “We can talk about it when I get there.”   

“Sounds ominous,” he said through a yawn.

“I miss you,” I whispered.

“Come out.”

“I shouldn’t. You have writing to do. I don’t want to distract you.”

“It’s ten days. Nine nights to dream of me and a flight over,” he reminded me.

“Nine nights...”

“Honestly, fly out now. You can hang with Jeff and Glenne while I write. You’ll love them.”

“It’s not that simple,” I sighed.

“It is that simple. I want you here with me more than anything.”

“And I want to be there more than anything, but...”

“But...”

“Nine more nights.”

“Nine nights,” he said quietly; resigning himself to the fact that I wasn’t coming out sooner. 

“Go shower and hydrate. You’ll feel better.”

I could hear him groan through the phone line, “I’m going. Glad you called. I was getting worried.”

“I’m sorry. I really wasn’t well. Any news on the others?” I asked as I stood from the stair.

“Louis and Niall had a barbecue. It’s apparently beautiful in London.  They’re doing some writing together. They’ll be together for Trek Stock Ball tomorrow night. Liam is co-chairing it.”

“Oh, that’s lovely. Why aren’t you going?” I asked.  

“Not involved with it this year. I like to go off and write on my own sometimes.”

“Oh...”

“Alright, Love,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m gonna go try and feel more human. I’ll call later, yeah? Maybe see your gorgeous face?”

“I’d love that.”

“Later.”

“Later,” I smiled before hanging up. 

~</3~

The days flew by. Everyday, we’d face time or speak on the phone. He’d fill me in on all the goings on with the guys. He’d specifically called to let me know he was going to dinner with Kendall at Ciccone’s on

Thursday. He’d complained about Louis partying every night. He’d sent me a picture of him with Chelsea Handler. I’d gotten snippy that she was wearing a pair of underwear with his name on them. He’d

gently corrected me; they were speedos he’d received from the record label in Australia and that I had nothing to worry about. Chelsea was great, but it was ME he wanted to be with. He’d laughed about the fans trying to figure out just what the tattoo on his thigh was. 

Niall was writing with their regular producers/writing partners, Julian and Jamie. Besides partying, Louis was writing with Liam and had played in a soccer match. Harry had gone to lunch with James and his family. Liam had participated in a groundbreaking ceremony for a youth facility

in his hometown. 

“Bloody hell,” he moaned into the phone tonight. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked as I packed for my flight.  I had one more night and I would be flying out to see him. 

“Haven’t you seen the news? Grace never called you?” He sounded upset.

“No...”

“Louis was out last night and got pissed up. He had some friends with him and one of them got pushed when they were going inside the hotel.  The video of him screaming at the pap is all over the place,” he

groaned.

“Oh no.”

“Yeah. He’s out of control.”

“Why don’t you call him?”

“Rebekah, he won’t listen to me. The fans ruined that friendship,” he growled.

“I’m sorry, H.  Can you call Niall and see if he can talk with him?” I felt terrible for him. 

“I don’t think he’ll listen to anyone. There’s a lot going on. He’s just gotta work through it I guess,” he sighed. 

“So...what are you going to be doing while you wait for me?  Not long now,” I said happily.

“Glenne and I are going on a hike. I need to do something with myself while I wait for you. I’m sorry I can’t be at the airport. It would cause too much of a ruckus.”

“It’s okay. I get it. No worries.”

“Finish packing. I’ll see you tomorrow, love. I can’t wait!”

“Goodnight, H. One more sleep and I’ll see your face,” I smiled.

“Goodnight, Love! See you soon.”

~</3~

I caught a flight out of Boston the next morning. 

It just wasn’t to Los Angeles.

Author note: Well where the hell could she be going off to now? 
I've missed these two. If you've missed them - send me a comment. All My Love ~ LadyH. x